eating disorders

Why I Don’t Do Diets or Cleanses: This Is My Reality

It’s getting close to summer and everyone is racing to lose those extra 5, 10, 15 pounds they consumed over the cold winter months. For me, the gorging was unstoppable. I drank and ate whatever and whenever I wanted. I left all my insecurities outside in the freezing cold and was able to shut the door on them.

Until now.

Now that the warmer weather is floating in, I’m left feeling bloated. Not just that, my face has broken out and I feel heavy and frumpy. I don’t feel like myself. I regret the way I’ve eaten and the promises I broke to myself in favour of gluttony. It was fun while it lasted, but now I’m paying the price. read more

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No, I Don’t Need To Put More Meat On My Bones

As someone who has lived most of my life with body image issues, I’ve had a great few months living with a broken scale and not worrying too much about how much I’m working out and what I’m eating. Instead of working out four or five times a week, I’ve been okay with working out once or twice a week. Instead of swearing off take out and junk food, I’ve allowed myself a little more leeway.

Until today. Because today is the day that things changed. Today is the day that, since 8:45am, I’ve done nothing but think about how much I want to work out and what food I can have. Today is the day that I heard my first comment related to my body in a long time. Today is the day that a woman at work told me I should put some meat on my bones if I want to stay warm in this frigid weather, and thanks to that comment, I’ve done nothing but think about how I look and if I’m truly satisfied with my body. Today is the day that I took the dead battery out of my scale and put it on the table to remind myself to get a new one so that I can check my weight. read more

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My Battle with Body Dysmorphia

Weight has been an issue I have carried with me since I was in elementary school. My first memory of body dissatisfaction was in grade three. My class was doing an activity and we were all asked to all weigh ourselves. There was more to the activity and it had nothing to do with our weight per se, but weighing ourselves was a part of it. I was in line and saw the weight of the girl in front of me. I can’t remember the number, but I remember the feeling I had after I stepped on the scale and saw that my number was bigger. As a child who was eight or nine at the time, I had my first “I’m fat” moment. I have a hard time recalling where that thought would have come from because I have no recollection of ever being told I was overweight. read more

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