Mental Health

About Mental Health

A Second Letter to My Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

It’s been almost a year since my last correspondence with you and yet, here we are again. It’s as if you didn’t even read the letter I sent you. So, because you seem to have ignored my previous attempt in communicating my issues with you, I continue taking that pesky little white and yellow pill each and every morning to help keep you at bay. Mind you, I still experience your aura sounding me as your presence is like a bad wallpaint job, but it’s hardly as bad as it could be. read more

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Body Image and Perspective: Learning to Accept My Body

Perspective.

Perspective is something I’m working on these days.

I’ve lived with body image issues for as long as I can remember. I’ve never been small enough, skinny enough, or toned enough. There’s always something that I need to work on, whether it’s my belly, my arms, my thighs, my chest, or my back. Did I really just name every part of my body? Well, in all fairness, I think my calfs have always been just fine.

Now that I have a three-year-old, I’m starting to accept my body a bit more. Don’t get too excited too quickly. I said I’m starting to, not that I have fully accepted it. However, lately I have been having more okay days than worry days, so that’s something. read more

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This Woman Was Beautiful and I Wanted to Tell Her

We live down the street from a beach so there’s nothing stopping us from going to for a swim when it’s hot out during the summer. This perk is one of the very many things I love about living where I do.

After I finished stuffing my face with tacos, we got dressed and took off to the beach. Luckily, because it was six pm, there were very few people there. As we walked into the beach area, I noticed a full-figured woman on her phone. She was striking, like, stop and stare striking. But I had no time to be creepy as I had to catch up with my kid. read more

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It’s Time We Start Talking and End the Stigma Surrounding Suicide

“I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter”

I remember when I first heard the song “In the End” by Linkin Park. My sister was watching the video on the television when I came downstairs. I immediately fell in love with Chester Bennington’s voice. I immediately feel in love with the way Chester Bennington looked. I was fascinated with him. I loved how he sang the lyrics to the song and wanted to hear more. I had always hoped to see him, and the band of course, perform live. read more

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When Anxiety Makes It Difficult to Leave the House

For me, leaving the house can be a difficult situation.

There are times when I’m getting ready to go out and I become overcome with anxiety.

I start to wonder if I need to go out. I find myself weighing my options. I act as if the decision to leave the house is life-changing. But it’s not. And I know this.

For years, I thought the feelings I had when getting ready to go out were caused by anticipation. It wouldn’t be until years later that I realized these feelings – the nauseating and painful feelings – were actually a result of anxiety. read more

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Dear Anxiety: It’s Time for You to Go

Hey, you!

Yeah, you — I’m talking to you. You’ve interfered with my life for long enough. It’s time for you to sit down and listen to what I have to say:

Anxiety, you have got to go. You have overstayed your welcome, that is, as if you were ever welcomed in the first place. You’ve held me down. You’ve got too involved. You’ve hurt my relationships and friendships time and time again, and you are now getting too involved with my relationship with my son. You have got to go.

Years ago, when we first met, I was around 15 and I thought you were a product of my teenage hormones. Together with your good friend depression, you’ve toppled right over me and led me on this ridiculous roller coaster of emotions and mental illness for the past 20-plus years. You started out slow and then totally took over. You’ve grabbed the steering wheel to my life and I want it back for good. read more

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Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone Struggling With Depression

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for over 20 years. Throughout this time, people have felt it necessary to put their two cents in regarding my mental illness. They’ve said unhelpful things to me that people who have never experienced mental illness might say. Here are a few things people have said to me and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard them.

1. “But you have so much good in your life.”

What those who don’t have a mental illness may not understand is what I have in my life makes no difference to my mind. Yes, I have a pretty good life. I have a wonderful husband, a wild and amazing son, an awesome dog, great friends and a wonderful family. My depression and anxiety don’t give a shit about all that. What others don’t get is that my mental illness is due to a mixture of biological and environmental factors. Sure, bad times in my personal life can trigger episodes, but sometimes there is no reason for an episode. I’ve been known to be happy despite things not going my way and I can be anxious and depressed when everything is “right.” read more

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Not Where I Thought I’d Be at 38

I turned thirty-eight this year. Thirty-eight. 38.

I turned thirty-eight this year and I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be.

Years ago, I thought that by the time I was thirty-eight, I’d have a family that included two children, two dogs, a cat, and a husband. I’d have a stable job that I enjoyed doing and everything I worked so hard for would be paying off.

Today, at 38, I have one fabulous toddler, one dog who is my main girl, no cat, and a loving and supportive husband.

What is missing from my life is not the second child, the second dog, or the cat. It’s the job. It’s the career. It’s the stable work I enjoy doing day in and day out. I work part time assisting kids and while it’s not consistent work and not exactly what I want to be doing, it can be rewarding. The problem is, it’s not where my heart is. read more

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No, I Don’t Need To Put More Meat On My Bones

As someone who has lived most of my life with body image issues, I’ve had a great few months living with a broken scale and not worrying too much about how much I’m working out and what I’m eating. Instead of working out four or five times a week, I’ve been okay with working out once or twice a week. Instead of swearing off take out and junk food, I’ve allowed myself a little more leeway.

Until today. Because today is the day that things changed. Today is the day that, since 8:45am, I’ve done nothing but think about how much I want to work out and what food I can have. Today is the day that I heard my first comment related to my body in a long time. Today is the day that a woman at work told me I should put some meat on my bones if I want to stay warm in this frigid weather, and thanks to that comment, I’ve done nothing but think about how I look and if I’m truly satisfied with my body. Today is the day that I took the dead battery out of my scale and put it on the table to remind myself to get a new one so that I can check my weight. read more

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I Knew I Could Have Postpartum Depression And Still Wasn’t Prepared

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for over twenty years. Throughout that time, I’ve seen psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers. I’ve been on and off medication, I’ve self medicated, and I attempted suicide three times in my teenage years.

I am still here, but I know mental illness is something I will deal with for the rest of my life.

Then, two years ago, I had my son — the most glorious time in a parent’s life — but it wasn’t glorious for me. I knew before my son was born there was a good chance I’d go through postpartum depression, but everything started out terribly: I had an awful pregnancy, I was ten days overdue, and eventually I had to have an emergency c-section. read more

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