My Breastfeeding Nightmare

A few weeks ago, I was looking for a notebook for a reason I can’t remember. It was clearly important enough for me to find one because I looked in the guest room closet, a closet I rarely go into.

There, on the top shelf, was a notebook. I immediately recognized it as the one I got for myself after my son was born. I couldn’t remember exactly why I hid it, but I felt hostility towards it. I pulled it off the shelf and I opened it up.

Within seconds of opening the notebook, all the emotions I felt during that time 3 years ago came rushing in like a tsunami wave. The emotions crashed down on me harder than I expected. I remembered then why I had put this notebook away, hoping to never see it again. read more

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedin

I Work Part-Time But My Son is in Full-Time Daycare

Daycare is closed this week and, because it’s summer and I’m not working, I’m home with my son. It’s just me and my mini-human. All day, every day. For five days straight.

Throughout the week, and during my temporary stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) duty, I’ve been thinking about what it takes to be a SAHM and the thoughts are just as exhausting to me as actually staying home. This week has been the confirmation I’ve looked for ever since I made the decision not to be a SAHM.

By mid-week I was ready to pack up my child and ship him off back to daycare. It’s not that I don’t love our time together, because I do. It’s just that I cannot entertain him like daycare can. I don’t have the patience that daycare has. And because my son is an only child and daycare is full of other kids, my son looks to me for play time and it’s exhausting. read more

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedin

50 Thoughts That Run Through My Mind in the Morning

Last week, That’s Inappropriate posted 50 THOUGHTS THAT RUN THROUGH MY MIND FROM SUNRISE TO SUNSET.

I clicked on the article to open it and laughed the entire way through. This is motherhood! This is real! I’m not the only mama whose mind is on overdrive!

When I finished reading the post, I started thinking about what goes on in my own mind during the day, since my brain never seems to want to shut off.

However, instead of writing my thoughts during the day, I decided to jot down the 50 thoughts that come to me in the morning, since that’s when my day starts and when my mind starts to drive me crazy. The mornings are busy and, to be honest, my one child makes me feel like there are five children running around asking me (whining rather) for this and that. read more

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedin

It’s Time We Start Talking and End the Stigma Surrounding Suicide

“I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter”

I remember when I first heard the song “In the End” by Linkin Park. My sister was watching the video on the television when I came downstairs. I immediately fell in love with Chester Bennington’s voice. I immediately feel in love with the way Chester Bennington looked. I was fascinated with him. I loved how he sang the lyrics to the song and wanted to hear more. I had always hoped to see him, and the band of course, perform live. read more

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedin

The Search for a New Fitness Tracker to Reach My Fitness Goals

Anyone who knows me knows that I work out quite a bit. In fact, sometimes become enthralled in it and enjoy challenging myself with new workouts and activities. I become unmotivated when I plateau so I always feel the need to switch things up.

But which exercise is most helpful to me in reaching my goal? What can I do more of or less of?

Last year a friend of mine got a Fitbit. I was pretty amazed because It calculated her heartbeat, her steps, and how many stairs she took in a day. The tracker also allowed her to compete with other people who had the tracker, so she felt motivated all the time. Then my sister showed me hers while we were away and I knew then that I wanted a fitness tracker. I could see that it motivated both my friend and my sister in being more active. read more

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedin

When Anxiety Makes It Difficult to Leave the House

For me, leaving the house can be a difficult situation.

There are times when I’m getting ready to go out and I become overcome with anxiety.

I start to wonder if I need to go out. I find myself weighing my options. I act as if the decision to leave the house is life-changing. But it’s not. And I know this.

For years, I thought the feelings I had when getting ready to go out were caused by anticipation. It wouldn’t be until years later that I realized these feelings – the nauseating and painful feelings – were actually a result of anxiety. read more

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedin

A Note to All Mamas Out There

To the mom whose child is freaking out on the floor in the grocery store:
I’ve been there and I feel you. I don’t think my child will ever stop testing my patience.

To the mom who chooses to breastfeed:
Way to go! Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t breastfeed in public!

To the mom who wants to breastfeed but can’t get her baby to latch:
I’ve been there. You’re not failing. Breastfeeding is hard.

To the mom who chooses to bottle feed:
You’re feeding your child the way you want to and what’s best for your family. You’re awesome. Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. read more

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedin

Dear Anxiety: It’s Time for You to Go

Hey, you!

Yeah, you — I’m talking to you. You’ve interfered with my life for long enough. It’s time for you to sit down and listen to what I have to say:

Anxiety, you have got to go. You have overstayed your welcome, that is, as if you were ever welcomed in the first place. You’ve held me down. You’ve got too involved. You’ve hurt my relationships and friendships time and time again, and you are now getting too involved with my relationship with my son. You have got to go.

Years ago, when we first met, I was around 15 and I thought you were a product of my teenage hormones. Together with your good friend depression, you’ve toppled right over me and led me on this ridiculous roller coaster of emotions and mental illness for the past 20-plus years. You started out slow and then totally took over. You’ve grabbed the steering wheel to my life and I want it back for good. read more

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedin

Top 9 Things I Want My Son to Know

Finding out we were having a baby was exciting. We looked forward to the new addition to our family, and we felt semi-ready for the change. Of course, we could never have predicted what parenting is really all about. I mean, we thought we knew, but we really didn’t.

While we were certainly hit with a curve-ball once our son was born, we held on to our principles and values and hope to instill these on our tiny-human.

1. It is ok to cry and show emotion
I think that we have come a long way in society and we are slowly destructing that old prejudice where males are not supposed to cry or show emotion. My son is a toddler and of course cries about everything. He’s confused about his emotions. Crying is a sign of his frustration, anger, disappointment, and pain. Similarly, I, as an adult, cry for those same reasons. My husband and I make sure we validate his feelings. We let him know it’s okay to cry and feel what he’s feeling. We let him know that we’re here when he wants to use his words to talk to us. Unlike myself, my husband didn’t get to express much emotion as a child, so this is all new to him too. However, despite this unfamiliarity, he’s doing quite well with our little guy. read more

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedin

Working Out to Feed My Mind

When we moved into our house nearly four years ago, I told my husband I needed a treadmill and some weights so that I can create my own “gym” in one of the extra rooms in the basement. I didn’t want to pay for a gym membership as I knew working out at home would be easier for me, especially with a kid. I also know me and leaving the house to go to the gym can be a mission.

Soon after we moved in, we set up my own “gym” in the basement. I say “my” because I use it 98% more than my husband does. read more

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedin