When Anxiety Makes It Difficult to Leave the House

For me, leaving the house can be a difficult situation.

There are times when I’m getting ready to go out and I become overcome with anxiety.

I start to wonder if I need to go out. I find myself weighing my options. I act as if the decision to leave the house is life-changing. But it’s not. And I know this.

For years, I thought the feelings I had when getting ready to go out were caused by anticipation. It wouldn’t be until years later that I realized these feelings – the nauseating and painful feelings – were actually a result of anxiety. read more

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A Note to All Mamas Out There

To the mom whose child is freaking out on the floor in the grocery store:
I’ve been there and I feel you. I don’t think my child will ever stop testing my patience.

To the mom who chooses to breastfeed:
Way to go! Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t breastfeed in public!

To the mom who wants to breastfeed but can’t get her baby to latch:
I’ve been there. You’re not failing. Breastfeeding is hard.

To the mom who chooses to bottle feed:
You’re feeding your child the way you want to and what’s best for your family. You’re awesome. Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. read more

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Dear Anxiety: It’s Time for You to Go

Hey, you!

Yeah, you — I’m talking to you. You’ve interfered with my life for long enough. It’s time for you to sit down and listen to what I have to say:

Anxiety, you have got to go. You have overstayed your welcome, that is, as if you were ever welcomed in the first place. You’ve held me down. You’ve got too involved. You’ve hurt my relationships and friendships time and time again, and you are now getting too involved with my relationship with my son. You have got to go.

Years ago, when we first met, I was around 15 and I thought you were a product of my teenage hormones. Together with your good friend depression, you’ve toppled right over me and led me on this ridiculous roller coaster of emotions and mental illness for the past 20-plus years. You started out slow and then totally took over. You’ve grabbed the steering wheel to my life and I want it back for good. read more

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Top 9 Things I Want My Son to Know

Finding out we were having a baby was exciting. We looked forward to the new addition to our family, and we felt semi-ready for the change. Of course, we could never have predicted what parenting is really all about. I mean, we thought we knew, but we really didn’t.

While we were certainly hit with a curve-ball once our son was born, we held on to our principles and values and hope to instill these on our tiny-human.

1. It is ok to cry and show emotion
I think that we have come a long way in society and we are slowly destructing that old prejudice where males are not supposed to cry or show emotion. My son is a toddler and of course cries about everything. He’s confused about his emotions. Crying is a sign of his frustration, anger, disappointment, and pain. Similarly, I, as an adult, cry for those same reasons. My husband and I make sure we validate his feelings. We let him know it’s okay to cry and feel what he’s feeling. We let him know that we’re here when he wants to use his words to talk to us. Unlike myself, my husband didn’t get to express much emotion as a child, so this is all new to him too. However, despite this unfamiliarity, he’s doing quite well with our little guy. read more

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Working Out to Feed My Mind

When we moved into our house nearly four years ago, I told my husband I needed a treadmill and some weights so that I can create my own “gym” in one of the extra rooms in the basement. I didn’t want to pay for a gym membership as I knew working out at home would be easier for me, especially with a kid. I also know me and leaving the house to go to the gym can be a mission.

Soon after we moved in, we set up my own “gym” in the basement. I say “my” because I use it 98% more than my husband does. read more

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Chicken with Black Bean & Corn Quinoa

Yes, this is another quinoa and chicken recipe, but what can I say? We love quinoa and chicken just pairs really well with it. The beauty about quinoa is that it easily takes on whatever flavour you want it to be. It’s also something I can get my son to eat without trouble as he loves black beans and corn (at least today he does. Who knows what the future brings). This recipe is delicious and healthy and I feel good about feeding it to my family.

Chicken with Black Bean & Corn Quinoa

You will need: read more

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I Wrote a Piece on Fake News: My C-Section Story

I did it. I admit it. I wrote a piece on false news. A piece on a heart wrenching and frightening experience I had, and I based it all on false news.

Last month I wrote a piece called My C-Section Counts – My Response to the Photographer’s Discrimination. I felt good about this piece and I posted it on my blog as soon as I could.  

I based said piece on a post shared on Santimommy, that I found on my newsfeed. The post was about a photographer refusing to take photos of a c-section. As the story goes, the photographer denied the job as she felt that a c-section was a woman’s way of “cutting corners” and therefore “not real birth”. I was outraged! How could someone be insensitive? How can someone think that a c-section isn’t birth? After reading about it on several posts that appeared on different sites, I decided to pen my own C-section story. Writing about it was quite emotional, but I felt good. It felt good to share my story with the motherhood community. read more

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Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone Struggling With Depression

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for over 20 years. Throughout this time, people have felt it necessary to put their two cents in regarding my mental illness. They’ve said unhelpful things to me that people who have never experienced mental illness might say. Here are a few things people have said to me and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard them.

1. “But you have so much good in your life.”

What those who don’t have a mental illness may not understand is what I have in my life makes no difference to my mind. Yes, I have a pretty good life. I have a wonderful husband, a wild and amazing son, an awesome dog, great friends and a wonderful family. My depression and anxiety don’t give a shit about all that. What others don’t get is that my mental illness is due to a mixture of biological and environmental factors. Sure, bad times in my personal life can trigger episodes, but sometimes there is no reason for an episode. I’ve been known to be happy despite things not going my way and I can be anxious and depressed when everything is “right.” read more

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Not Where I Thought I’d Be at 38

I turned thirty-eight this year. Thirty-eight. 38.

I turned thirty-eight this year and I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be.

Years ago, I thought that by the time I was thirty-eight, I’d have a family that included two children, two dogs, a cat, and a husband. I’d have a stable job that I enjoyed doing and everything I worked so hard for would be paying off.

Today, at 38, I have one fabulous toddler, one dog who is my main girl, no cat, and a loving and supportive husband.

What is missing from my life is not the second child, the second dog, or the cat. It’s the job. It’s the career. It’s the stable work I enjoy doing day in and day out. I work part time assisting kids and while it’s not consistent work and not exactly what I want to be doing, it can be rewarding. The problem is, it’s not where my heart is. read more

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How My Relationship With My Dog Changed After My Son Was Born

I’ve been a bit stumped lately about what to write about. What is important to me? What can I say? It isn’t until I call over my pup and we have a cuddle that it hits me.

I’ve written about my kid. I’ve written about my husband. I’ve written about myself. Now I am going to write about my dog. Yes, you heard me correctly.

My dog. My fist born. My sidekick.

I know what some of you are thinking. You’re thinking how silly.

So, go ahead. Laugh if you will. Shrug you shoulders. Crinkle your face. Wave your hand at me. It’s all good. Because I don’t care. Because I can handle the jokes. I can handle people thinking I’m a weirdo because I call my dog my first-born. read more

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