Top 9 Things I Want My Son to Know

Finding out we were having a baby was exciting. We looked forward to the new addition to our family, and we felt semi-ready for the change. Of course, we could never have predicted what parenting is really all about. I mean, we thought we knew, but we really didn’t.

While we were certainly hit with a curve-ball once our son was born, we held on to our principles and values and hope to instill these on our tiny-human.

1. It is ok to cry and show emotion
I think that we have come a long way in society and we are slowly destructing that old prejudice where males are not supposed to cry or show emotion. My son is a toddler and of course cries about everything. He’s confused about his emotions. Crying is a sign of his frustration, anger, disappointment, and pain. Similarly, I, as an adult, cry for those same reasons. My husband and I make sure we validate his feelings. We let him know it’s okay to cry and feel what he’s feeling. We let him know that we’re here when he wants to use his words to talk to us. Unlike myself, my husband didn’t get to express much emotion as a child, so this is all new to him too. However, despite this unfamiliarity, he’s doing quite well with our little guy. read more

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I Wrote a Piece on Fake News: My C-Section Story

I did it. I admit it. I wrote a piece on false news. A piece on a heart wrenching and frightening experience I had, and I based it all on false news.

Last month I wrote a piece called My C-Section Counts – My Response to the Photographer’s Discrimination. I felt good about this piece and I posted it on my blog as soon as I could.  

I based said piece on a post shared on Santimommy, that I found on my newsfeed. The post was about a photographer refusing to take photos of a c-section. As the story goes, the photographer denied the job as she felt that a c-section was a woman’s way of “cutting corners” and therefore “not real birth”. I was outraged! How could someone be insensitive? How can someone think that a c-section isn’t birth? After reading about it on several posts that appeared on different sites, I decided to pen my own C-section story. Writing about it was quite emotional, but I felt good. It felt good to share my story with the motherhood community. read more

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Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone Struggling With Depression

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for over 20 years. Throughout this time, people have felt it necessary to put their two cents in regarding my mental illness. They’ve said unhelpful things to me that people who have never experienced mental illness might say. Here are a few things people have said to me and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard them.

1. “But you have so much good in your life.”

What those who don’t have a mental illness may not understand is what I have in my life makes no difference to my mind. Yes, I have a pretty good life. I have a wonderful husband, a wild and amazing son, an awesome dog, great friends and a wonderful family. My depression and anxiety don’t give a shit about all that. What others don’t get is that my mental illness is due to a mixture of biological and environmental factors. Sure, bad times in my personal life can trigger episodes, but sometimes there is no reason for an episode. I’ve been known to be happy despite things not going my way and I can be anxious and depressed when everything is “right.” read more

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Not Where I Thought I’d Be at 38

I turned thirty-eight this year. Thirty-eight. 38.

I turned thirty-eight this year and I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be.

Years ago, I thought that by the time I was thirty-eight, I’d have a family that included two children, two dogs, a cat, and a husband. I’d have a stable job that I enjoyed doing and everything I worked so hard for would be paying off.

Today, at 38, I have one fabulous toddler, one dog who is my main girl, no cat, and a loving and supportive husband.

What is missing from my life is not the second child, the second dog, or the cat. It’s the job. It’s the career. It’s the stable work I enjoy doing day in and day out. I work part time assisting kids and while it’s not consistent work and not exactly what I want to be doing, it can be rewarding. The problem is, it’s not where my heart is. read more

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How My Relationship With My Dog Changed After My Son Was Born

I’ve been a bit stumped lately about what to write about. What is important to me? What can I say? It isn’t until I call over my pup and we have a cuddle that it hits me.

I’ve written about my kid. I’ve written about my husband. I’ve written about myself. Now I am going to write about my dog. Yes, you heard me correctly.

My dog. My fist born. My sidekick.

I know what some of you are thinking. You’re thinking how silly.

So, go ahead. Laugh if you will. Shrug you shoulders. Crinkle your face. Wave your hand at me. It’s all good. Because I don’t care. Because I can handle the jokes. I can handle people thinking I’m a weirdo because I call my dog my first-born. read more

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Having a Kid: What I said I’d Do vs. What I Actually Do

My life before having a baby was full of knowing exactly what I’d do when I have a baby. You see, my husband and I were the last of our group of friends to have a child so I felt like I had already had my first with theirs (which is a ridiculous thought, I know). I was sure I would automatically know how to navigate around this parenting thing and my baby and I will be in sync.

Fast-forward to having that baby and – in a shocking turn of events – I was wrong. I did not feel “in sync” with anyone after having my child. I had no clue what was going on. Here I was, with this tiny-human who came out of my body, and I didn’t know what to do with it, err, him. read more

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No, I Don’t Need To Put More Meat On My Bones

As someone who has lived most of my life with body image issues, I’ve had a great few months living with a broken scale and not worrying too much about how much I’m working out and what I’m eating. Instead of working out four or five times a week, I’ve been okay with working out once or twice a week. Instead of swearing off take out and junk food, I’ve allowed myself a little more leeway.

Until today. Because today is the day that things changed. Today is the day that, since 8:45am, I’ve done nothing but think about how much I want to work out and what food I can have. Today is the day that I heard my first comment related to my body in a long time. Today is the day that a woman at work told me I should put some meat on my bones if I want to stay warm in this frigid weather, and thanks to that comment, I’ve done nothing but think about how I look and if I’m truly satisfied with my body. Today is the day that I took the dead battery out of my scale and put it on the table to remind myself to get a new one so that I can check my weight. read more

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I Knew I Could Have Postpartum Depression And Still Wasn’t Prepared

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for over twenty years. Throughout that time, I’ve seen psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers. I’ve been on and off medication, I’ve self medicated, and I attempted suicide three times in my teenage years.

I am still here, but I know mental illness is something I will deal with for the rest of my life.

Then, two years ago, I had my son — the most glorious time in a parent’s life — but it wasn’t glorious for me. I knew before my son was born there was a good chance I’d go through postpartum depression, but everything started out terribly: I had an awful pregnancy, I was ten days overdue, and eventually I had to have an emergency c-section. read more

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My C-Section Counts – My Response to the Photographer’s Discrimination

While I was surfing Facebook last week, I came across an article on my newsfeed by Sanctimommy that was about a photographer refusing to document a woman’s birth because it was a C-section. It was captioned as: #tmw your #birthphotographer dumps you for having a csection. The photographer claimed that because she had a C-section, she did not actually give birth. The photographer claimed that because the woman “opted” for a C-section, she took the easy way out:

“A surgery isn’t birth, my dear. You aren’t giving birth.
You are having a surgery to remove your baby from
your abdomen. That is not birth no matter how you
swing it and I for one don’t want to be there to take
pictures of it.
If you decide to give motherhood a go from the get
and have an actual birth, let me know and we can
schedule your session.
Motherhood is hard, if I were you I would think
twice about starting such a job by cutting
corners so early in the game” read more

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How Playing With Our Son Brought Us Closer

Having a kid has certainly put a new twist to our once-childless life. While parenting has filled us with a love we never knew was possible, it has also changed the dynamics of our home and our relationship.

Since having our son, my husband and I have struggled a bit with finding the new norm. The long days have resulted in us forgetting to connect in the way we once did. Don’t get me wrong, we spend time together, but we don’t often play together. We spend a lot of time sitting side-by-side, reading a book or, more often, our phones. We’re looking down instead of looking at each other – talking, laughing, smiling. We let our comfort in each other and the daily exhaustion take over what once was. read more

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