Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone Struggling With Depression

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for over 20 years. Throughout this time, people have felt it necessary to put their two cents in regarding my mental illness. They’ve said unhelpful things to me that people who have never experienced mental illness might say. Here are a few things people have said to me and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard them.

1. “But you have so much good in your life.”

What those who don’t have a mental illness may not understand is what I have in my life makes no difference to my mind. Yes, I have a pretty good life. I have a wonderful husband, a wild and amazing son, an awesome dog, great friends and a wonderful family. My depression and anxiety don’t give a shit about all that. What others don’t get is that my mental illness is due to a mixture of biological and environmental factors. Sure, bad times in my personal life can trigger episodes, but sometimes there is no reason for an episode. I’ve been known to be happy despite things not going my way and I can be anxious and depressed when everything is “right.” read more

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Not Where I Thought I’d Be at 38

I turned thirty-eight this year. Thirty-eight. 38.

I turned thirty-eight this year and I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be.

Years ago, I thought that by the time I was thirty-eight, I’d have a family that included two children, two dogs, a cat, and a husband. I’d have a stable job that I enjoyed doing and everything I worked so hard for would be paying off.

Today, at 38, I have one fabulous toddler, one dog who is my main girl, no cat, and a loving and supportive husband.

What is missing from my life is not the second child, the second dog, or the cat. It’s the job. It’s the career. It’s the stable work I enjoy doing day in and day out. I work part time assisting kids and while it’s not consistent work and not exactly what I want to be doing, it can be rewarding. The problem is, it’s not where my heart is. read more

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How My Relationship With My Dog Changed After My Son Was Born

I’ve been a bit stumped lately about what to write about. What is important to me? What can I say? It isn’t until I call over my pup and we have a cuddle that it hits me.

I’ve written about my kid. I’ve written about my husband. I’ve written about myself. Now I am going to write about my dog. Yes, you heard me correctly.

My dog. My fist born. My sidekick.

I know what some of you are thinking. You’re thinking how silly.

So, go ahead. Laugh if you will. Shrug you shoulders. Crinkle your face. Wave your hand at me. It’s all good. Because I don’t care. Because I can handle the jokes. I can handle people thinking I’m a weirdo because I call my dog my first-born. read more

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Slow-Cooker Pulled-Chicken Tacos

We are a taco family. We’ve been having tacos at least once a week for the past few months. Luckily our son loves them just as much so we know he will for sure be eating when we make them. Of course, there are several different kinds of tacos you can make, so we’re always switching it up.
Last night I suggested we try a slow cooker chicken recipe. We’ve been lagging on the slow cooker meals but they really are the best thing for busy times. Sure enough, tacos came to mind. We threw in some chicken and some veggies and ta-da! Slow-cooker pulled taco chicken! Another one for the books. read more

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Having a Kid: What I said I’d Do vs. What I Actually Do

My life before having a baby was full of knowing exactly what I’d do when I have a baby. You see, my husband and I were the last of our group of friends to have a child so I felt like I had already had my first with theirs (which is a ridiculous thought, I know). I was sure I would automatically know how to navigate around this parenting thing and my baby and I will be in sync.

Fast-forward to having that baby and – in a shocking turn of events – I was wrong. I did not feel “in sync” with anyone after having my child. I had no clue what was going on. Here I was, with this tiny-human who came out of my body, and I didn’t know what to do with it, err, him. read more

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No, I Don’t Need To Put More Meat On My Bones

As someone who has lived most of my life with body image issues, I’ve had a great few months living with a broken scale and not worrying too much about how much I’m working out and what I’m eating. Instead of working out four or five times a week, I’ve been okay with working out once or twice a week. Instead of swearing off take out and junk food, I’ve allowed myself a little more leeway.

Until today. Because today is the day that things changed. Today is the day that, since 8:45am, I’ve done nothing but think about how much I want to work out and what food I can have. Today is the day that I heard my first comment related to my body in a long time. Today is the day that a woman at work told me I should put some meat on my bones if I want to stay warm in this frigid weather, and thanks to that comment, I’ve done nothing but think about how I look and if I’m truly satisfied with my body. Today is the day that I took the dead battery out of my scale and put it on the table to remind myself to get a new one so that I can check my weight. read more

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Mango Curry Chicken

A few years ago, we had a family friend come visit from Israel. He is an excellent cook who wowed us every time with his ability to throw anything into the pot and create a masterpiece. One evening, he made a whole-fish mango curry and it was fabulous. I begged for the recipe and he kindly gave it to me, letting me know I can also make it with chicken. I couldn’t wait to recreate this meal for my husband and son.
Since I haven’t learned the arts of cooking a whole-fish, I’ve been making this meal using chicken and it is just as fabulous. Mango Curry Chicken is made anytime we manage to find good mangoes. Here it is, I hope you enjoy! read more

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I Knew I Could Have Postpartum Depression And Still Wasn’t Prepared

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for over twenty years. Throughout that time, I’ve seen psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers. I’ve been on and off medication, I’ve self medicated, and I attempted suicide three times in my teenage years.

I am still here, but I know mental illness is something I will deal with for the rest of my life.

Then, two years ago, I had my son — the most glorious time in a parent’s life — but it wasn’t glorious for me. I knew before my son was born there was a good chance I’d go through postpartum depression, but everything started out terribly: I had an awful pregnancy, I was ten days overdue, and eventually I had to have an emergency c-section. read more

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My C-Section Counts – My Response to the Photographer’s Discrimination

While I was surfing Facebook last week, I came across an article on my newsfeed by Sanctimommy that was about a photographer refusing to document a woman’s birth because it was a C-section. It was captioned as: #tmw your #birthphotographer dumps you for having a csection. The photographer claimed that because she had a C-section, she did not actually give birth. The photographer claimed that because the woman “opted” for a C-section, she took the easy way out:

“A surgery isn’t birth, my dear. You aren’t giving birth.
You are having a surgery to remove your baby from
your abdomen. That is not birth no matter how you
swing it and I for one don’t want to be there to take
pictures of it.
If you decide to give motherhood a go from the get
and have an actual birth, let me know and we can
schedule your session.
Motherhood is hard, if I were you I would think
twice about starting such a job by cutting
corners so early in the game” read more

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Vegetable Chicken Quinoa

There was a time last year when my husband was gone during the week for work and was only home on weekends. I found dinners to be one of my biggest challenges as I was tired after working all day never felt like cooking when I got home. But not making dinner was not an option as I needed to feed my son. I wanted to make healthy meals that would carry us for a few days and give me a small break. Having recycled through most of my on-hand recipes, we needed a change. Out of frustration one night, I pulled out some chicken and whatever vegetables I had laying around in our refrigerator. I chopped everything up, pulled out some spices from the cupboard, and got to work. In no time at all, we had a delicious and healthy meal made with love and it is now a staple in our home. read more

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