Motherhood

Learning to Forgive Myself

 Our toddler has upped his game by pushing every boundary and button he possibly can.

I find myself losing my patience with him more quickly these days and my lack of control is worrisome for me.

I find myself wanting him to conform to who I want him to be and what I want him to do. It’s easy to forget that he is his own person, trying to make sense of the world I brought him into. He needs more time and I need to learn to give it to him.

Unfortunately, I let my anxiety and impulsiveness get the best of me at his expense.

“I yelled at you and I’m sorry.”

While my son forgives me instantly – hugs me and gives me a kiss – I find it hard to forgive myself for being inpatient with him and yelling. As a child, forgiveness comes easy for him. His forgiveness is genuine with no strings attached or grudges held. I envy this mini-human and his ability to quickly forgive his mum after she’s lost her patience for the umpteenth time and lashed out. My son assures me everything is okay by moving on and acting like nothing happened. read more

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My Breastfeeding Nightmare

A few weeks ago, I was looking for a notebook for a reason I can’t remember. It was clearly important enough for me to find one because I looked in the guest room closet, a closet I rarely go into.

There, on the top shelf, was a notebook. I immediately recognized it as the one I got for myself after my son was born. I couldn’t remember exactly why I hid it, but I felt hostility towards it. I pulled it off the shelf and I opened it up.

Within seconds of opening the notebook, all the emotions I felt during that time 3 years ago came rushing in like a tsunami wave. The emotions crashed down on me harder than I expected. I remembered then why I had put this notebook away, hoping to never see it again. read more

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I Work Part-Time But My Son is in Full-Time Daycare

Daycare is closed this week and, because it’s summer and I’m not working, I’m home with my son. It’s just me and my mini-human. All day, every day. For five days straight.

Throughout the week, and during my temporary stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) duty, I’ve been thinking about what it takes to be a SAHM and the thoughts are just as exhausting to me as actually staying home. This week has been the confirmation I’ve looked for ever since I made the decision not to be a SAHM.

By mid-week I was ready to pack up my child and ship him off back to daycare. It’s not that I don’t love our time together, because I do. It’s just that I cannot entertain him like daycare can. I don’t have the patience that daycare has. And because my son is an only child and daycare is full of other kids, my son looks to me for play time and it’s exhausting. read more

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50 Thoughts That Run Through My Mind in the Morning

Last week, That’s Inappropriate posted 50 THOUGHTS THAT RUN THROUGH MY MIND FROM SUNRISE TO SUNSET.

I clicked on the article to open it and laughed the entire way through. This is motherhood! This is real! I’m not the only mama whose mind is on overdrive!

When I finished reading the post, I started thinking about what goes on in my own mind during the day, since my brain never seems to want to shut off.

However, instead of writing my thoughts during the day, I decided to jot down the 50 thoughts that come to me in the morning, since that’s when my day starts and when my mind starts to drive me crazy. The mornings are busy and, to be honest, my one child makes me feel like there are five children running around asking me (whining rather) for this and that. read more

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A Note to All Mamas Out There

To the mom whose child is freaking out on the floor in the grocery store:
I’ve been there and I feel you. I don’t think my child will ever stop testing my patience.

To the mom who chooses to breastfeed:
Way to go! Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t breastfeed in public!

To the mom who wants to breastfeed but can’t get her baby to latch:
I’ve been there. You’re not failing. Breastfeeding is hard.

To the mom who chooses to bottle feed:
You’re feeding your child the way you want to and what’s best for your family. You’re awesome. Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. read more

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I Wrote a Piece on Fake News: My C-Section Story

I did it. I admit it. I wrote a piece on false news. A piece on a heart wrenching and frightening experience I had, and I based it all on false news.

Last month I wrote a piece called My C-Section Counts – My Response to the Photographer’s Discrimination. I felt good about this piece and I posted it on my blog as soon as I could.  

I based said piece on a post shared on Santimommy, that I found on my newsfeed. The post was about a photographer refusing to take photos of a c-section. As the story goes, the photographer denied the job as she felt that a c-section was a woman’s way of “cutting corners” and therefore “not real birth”. I was outraged! How could someone be insensitive? How can someone think that a c-section isn’t birth? After reading about it on several posts that appeared on different sites, I decided to pen my own C-section story. Writing about it was quite emotional, but I felt good. It felt good to share my story with the motherhood community. read more

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Having a Kid: What I said I’d Do vs. What I Actually Do

My life before having a baby was full of knowing exactly what I’d do when I have a baby. You see, my husband and I were the last of our group of friends to have a child so I felt like I had already had my first with theirs (which is a ridiculous thought, I know). I was sure I would automatically know how to navigate around this parenting thing and my baby and I will be in sync.

Fast-forward to having that baby and – in a shocking turn of events – I was wrong. I did not feel “in sync” with anyone after having my child. I had no clue what was going on. Here I was, with this tiny-human who came out of my body, and I didn’t know what to do with it, err, him. read more

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I Knew I Could Have Postpartum Depression And Still Wasn’t Prepared

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for over twenty years. Throughout that time, I’ve seen psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers. I’ve been on and off medication, I’ve self medicated, and I attempted suicide three times in my teenage years.

I am still here, but I know mental illness is something I will deal with for the rest of my life.

Then, two years ago, I had my son — the most glorious time in a parent’s life — but it wasn’t glorious for me. I knew before my son was born there was a good chance I’d go through postpartum depression, but everything started out terribly: I had an awful pregnancy, I was ten days overdue, and eventually I had to have an emergency c-section. read more

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My C-Section Counts – My Response to the Photographer’s Discrimination

While I was surfing Facebook last week, I came across an article on my newsfeed by Sanctimommy that was about a photographer refusing to document a woman’s birth because it was a C-section. It was captioned as: #tmw your #birthphotographer dumps you for having a csection. The photographer claimed that because she had a C-section, she did not actually give birth. The photographer claimed that because the woman “opted” for a C-section, she took the easy way out:

“A surgery isn’t birth, my dear. You aren’t giving birth.
You are having a surgery to remove your baby from
your abdomen. That is not birth no matter how you
swing it and I for one don’t want to be there to take
pictures of it.
If you decide to give motherhood a go from the get
and have an actual birth, let me know and we can
schedule your session.
Motherhood is hard, if I were you I would think
twice about starting such a job by cutting
corners so early in the game” read more

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What I Think MOTHER Stands For

I had just put my son to bed and was staring at the computer, trying to think of something to write about while glancing at the monitor to make sure he’s asleep. Then it hit me. I’m a mother, but what does MOTHER really mean?

Mothers are the superheroes that don’t get capes (unless you’ve actually gone out to get yourself a cape, in which case I applaud you because you deserve it). Mothers are powerful beings who can cure boo-boos with kisses and make everything better with hugs.

The ones who don’t appreciate these people the most, and who really should, are the ones who call them Mommy (I know… I too was one of these creatures many years ago). It’s true that at their young age, they haven’t learned the value of the mother yet. They live in their own bubble until they’re ready to venture the world on their own. Once outside of said bubble, they are able to appreciate their moms on a whole different level (was true for me). read more

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