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An Anxious Mother Fluttering Through Life

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An Anxious Mother Fluttering Through Life

Parenting

We Travel Without Our Kid And No, We Aren’t Bad Parents For It

February 12, 2019 by theantsybutterflyadmin

For six days, I watched the sun rise and set in a peaceful bliss, surrounded by the smell of the ocean, the site of beautiful palm trees, and the greetings from various local animals.

There was no one calling my name or asking me to make them something to eat, just so that they can refuse it. There was no one pulling on my shirt or crying in my ears because they couldn’t find a toy that was sitting directly in front of their face. There was no complaining, or whining, or worry.

Best of all, there was zero anxiety. read more

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Posted in: Parenting Tagged: life with kids, Parenting, self-care

The Day I Recognized That I Need to Change My Language

September 20, 2018 by theantsybutterflyadmin

“You’re going to have to wait for daddy to come home. He’s better at these things than I am. You know, he’s better at figuring out how these things work and following instructions”

I’m sorry, what?

That’s what I said to my kid before I stopped myself in my tracks and took a moment to process what I just said. I just implied to my child – my son – that his dad is better at putting toys together than his mom. I just gave him the idea that his mom isn’t equipped to figure out the complexities of a Transformer (ages 8+, kinda tricky).

I may not be as good at “these things” as my husband, but I’m certainly no invalid. I’m an educated and strong woman. So it takes me a few more minutes to grasp the twists and turns and what pops in and out of this toy. I can still do it, and as the picture shows, I’ve got it down.

As my son gets older, I need to really start watching my words. He’s growing at the speed of light and we’re having in depth conversations. He’s picking up lingos – he’s called me a hot mess – and understanding certain terminology.

It all starts here, doesn’t it? It starts with us – the parents. Women are as valuable as men. Moms are just as equipped as dads. There are some things I prefer not doing – mowing the lawn, changing a tire – , but ultimately, I think there’s few things I couldn’t do.

I put together Jazz the Transformer today and my son gave me a high five. He bugs me to do “theses things” for him because he’s pretty certain I can. And whether or not I want to do whatever it is he’s asking of me – for the love, don’t ask me to clip that arm on that toy again! – I really should think about what it means to him when he asks me.

I’m mom – his hero. I’m mom – superwoman. I’m his mom – one of the only two people who love him with every atom and molecule.

He asks me to put toys together for him because, why wouldn’t he?

 

 

For More Parenting truths, see Top 9 Things I Want My Son to Know

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Posted in: Parenting Tagged: Motherhood, Parenting

Helping My Son Get Ready For His First Day of School

August 15, 2018 by theantsybutterflyadmin

For those of you who have children in school, you must know how I’m feeling right now about my first – and only – child starting school. You know, those nervous and exciting feelings intertwining and running amok in your veins and you’re not quite sure how to handle them?

Well, that’s me to a T these days. My son is starting school in less than a month and I’m wondering how in this life of mine has time gone by so quickly. I mean, there are days when I can feel myself actually aging because time is moving as slow as it possibly can. Yet, here we are, pulling a Jurassic World backpack and blue lunch bag off the shelves and into my already full cart. Water bottle? Check. Splash pants? Check. Box of tissues beside the door and in the car ready for the day I need to send my tiny human off into the world on his own? Check – but remember to get some backup.

I don’t want to say that I blinked and all of a sudden my son turned into a four year old, because I can assure you I tried blinking those long dreadful days away and I consistently opened my eyes to the same madness I wished would vanish. But the old saying is, in fact, true: the days are long but the years are short. 

So here I sit, thinking about how my son is quickly inching closer to starting this next new and exciting chapter of his life and he’s clueless as to what it entails. To him, it’s riding a school bus and seeing his best daycare bud every day. To me, it’s letting go of my baby and following him into the next stage of his life.

I’ve been plagued with questions for the past few months – all from myself, of course – wondering if I’ve prepared him enough. Can he spot his name? Can he count high enough? Will he listen to his teacher? What does he need to know when he enters kindergarten? What will they be looking for? My boy is smart, sure, but is he up to par with the other kids? Will the teacher be calling me to tell me that I’m a horrible mom for not teaching my kid to spot all the letters in the alphabet?

I’m worried I haven’t done enough to ready him for what’s coming.

As if the universe heard my concerns, I got an email from a woman who found my blog and wanted to know if I would be interested in educational worksheets for my child. Of course I responded immediately and asked for some sample pages. She provided me with this kindergarten_maze_school  and I gave it to my kid to try it out. He got into and was able to work on it with little help. The site has all kinds of helpful worksheets to help kids move forward in their education.

So, if you’d like to give your kids a little pre-school challenge, or if you’re looking for some extra resources for your kids to help them along the way, be sure and check out Education.com for educational games including math games,  printables, and resources.

Starting school is an exciting new experience for our little humans. I’m looking forward to being a part of my son’s journey and I’m there to help him every step of the way.

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Posted in: Parenting Tagged: Parenting

Sleeping With the Enemy – When You Are Your Worst Critique

April 4, 2018 by theantsybutterflyadmin

The other day, I bumped into an old acquaintance. She’s pretty judgmental and I always feel like I have to prove something to her. She gives me that disapproving look that says it all: you’re not good enough. She’s the worst.

Unfortunately, this acquaintance is a little more than an acquaintance. I’ve know her forever. Literally, forever. This acquaintance is me.

I’m my worst enemy when it comes to judgment.

I have this unrealistic vision of how things should be like and how my child should behave. I think, I must be a bad mom since my kid is refuses to calm down like I’ve asked.

He’s three, did I mention that?

When we’re out in public or around people, I expect so much from him. That’s pretty awful of me, I know. But I can’t help it. I’m worried of being judged by anyone around me. Even friends!

Over the weekend, we had some friends and their kids over. My son was being silly and a bit rougher than I’d like. He also hadn’t napped.

Because he was so excited to see everyone and he was running on low, he was extra wild. He stuck his hand in the toilet while another kid was trying to go. He hit another kid on the head with a wooden flute. He whipped beach balls at the kids. He wouldn’t eat his dinner, which of course made me crazy. And then, when everyone was leaving, he threw in the I’m-so-tired temper tantrum for good measure.

I felt like a failure. I felt like I was a bad parent because my son wasn’t a robot.

And that’s what that is. A robot.

**Spoiler alert: my son is a human toddler, not a robot**

While all this was going on, my friends were not the ones judging me. Oh no. It was me. I couldn’t help but wonder what they thought of me as a parent. I couldn’t help but fear that they may see myself the way I do when my son is acting out. I have these unrealistic high expectations that I put on myself and it adds stress and tension to the family.

“Just calm down mama!”

I spent the following morning ugly crying as I thought back on what I couldn’t change. I felt like I needed to apologize to someone for my son’s behaviours. To whom? Who deserves this apology? I can’t think of anyone but my son. I owe him an apology for putting such high expectations on him because I’m afraid of being judged. I owe it to my family to stop being so hard on myself because it ends up dragging us down.

We, as parents, put so much value in what other people may think about us and with that, we forget to follow ourselves. We forget that what matters is what works for you and your family. What is right for you and your family.

My promise to my family is that I drop these shenanigans. Stop being so hard on myself. Stop trying to impress everyone else because who cares what everyone thinks.

Continue being the mom that I am because my son loves me and that’s what matters.

This piece originally appeared as a Micro-Blog on Facebook 

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Posted in: Parenting Tagged: Motherhood, Parenting

Making the Decision to Change How We Parent

January 19, 2018 by theantsybutterflyadmin

There’s something to be said about strong-willed children. If you have a child with this prized characteristic trait, then you know what I’m talking about.

This evening my husband and I reached our breaking point. All this time we thought we had seen the worst, but apparently our mini felt like he hasn’t quite been giving it his all. Tonight, however, we feel as if we’ve reached the top of Mount Everest. Something needs to change, and it needs to happen now.

Leave it to my kid to make sure he gets the full preschool-age experience. He’s been challenging us to the greatest degree and it feels as if he keeps trying to outsmart, outwit, and outplay us. Yes, we are literally playing Survivor.

Tonight’s episode forces us questioning our parenting techniques as we aren’t sure why he just won’t learn from previous consequences. Every button is pushed and no stone is left unturned. He’s testing every single boundary as if he were conducting a psychological experiment. “I wonder how much more my big people can handle before they absolutely lose their shit?” is what I can imagine him thinking.

Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe it’s because I sometimes I lower my shield because I’ve just had enough. Maybe it’s because I give him too many chances and too many warnings. I have been on the fence about allowing my husband to discipline our child the way he wants to, which is to instil a small amount of fear into the boy. Despite having a minimal amount of fear from our parents, I tend to start feeling bad for my kid when my husband tries to eradicate unacceptable behaviour. Maybe I’ve allowed the books I’ve read on parenting that tell me to follow my child’s cues instead of my gut cloud my judgement. Following my child’s cues would lead us directly into war and that is not an option at his age.

Our child is not simply strong-willed. He’s stubborn, adamant, high energy, strong, and clever. For an adult, it’s awesome. For a child, it’s dangerous concoction. Listening is not his forte. In fact, he couldn’t be farther from mastering this skill. The boy needs boundaries. He needs structure and consistency. He needs more consistent and realistic consequences, which is hard for me to think of on the spot. Parenting him has gotten us caught in a whirlpool and we’re having a hard time grabbing onto the sides to get out.

My anxiety spikes every time we go through this, so I’m guessing that’s why I cave. To relieve his cries is to relieve my discomfort and pain. Knowing this, it’s time for me to make a change. There’s work to be done on myself in order to be the parent I need for my kid. I feel guilty when I take something away or when I get upset with him. But if I don’t teach him how to behave appropriately now, we will be setting him up for failure. This is our responsibility. It’s our job to create an environment where he can learn to grow up to be a productive and kind member of society.

It’s not uncommon that I feel like a failure and a bad mom. It’s true we compare ourselves to other parents and feel like maybe we’re bad parents. There is a tornado of madness ripping through our home and we need to make it stop.

After what seemed like an eternity, we got the tiny human into bed and asleep. Then we hugged each other, and told each other that tonight is the night where everything changes. Tonight, we start doing what is best for him and not what is convenient for us.

 

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Posted in: Parenting Tagged: Motherhood, Parenting, partnership

Learning to Forgive Myself

September 13, 2017 by theantsybutterflyadmin

 Our toddler has upped his game by pushing every boundary and button he possibly can.

I find myself losing my patience with him more quickly these days and my lack of control is worrisome for me.

I find myself wanting him to conform to who I want him to be and what I want him to do. It’s easy to forget that he is his own person, trying to make sense of the world I brought him into. He needs more time and I need to learn to give it to him.

Unfortunately, I let my anxiety and impulsiveness get the best of me at his expense.

“I yelled at you and I’m sorry.”

While my son forgives me instantly – hugs me and gives me a kiss – I find it hard to forgive myself for being inpatient with him and yelling. As a child, forgiveness comes easy for him. His forgiveness is genuine with no strings attached or grudges held. I envy this mini-human and his ability to quickly forgive his mum after she’s lost her patience for the umpteenth time and lashed out. My son assures me everything is okay by moving on and acting like nothing happened.

But something did happen, and I dwell on my inability to keep my cool.

You see, I’m a dweller. I have a hard time letting go. While my anxiety is relieved by my impulsiveness, the guilt from my actions picks it back up. I get stuck in a hamster’s wheel, unable to jump off. I play the event over and over in my head and I make myself crazy with the notion that I cannot turn back time.

I try to remember that I am only human and toddlers push limits. I know I’m not always expected to be hunky-dory, but I also know that it is possible to relay a message without yelling and getting upset. I’m not talking about yelling at him for touching the scissors or moving his tiny hand towards the open flame on the stove. I’m talking about yelling at him for whining while asking me something for the millionth time. Why can’t I just walk away?

I know I must let it go and keep working on myself so I can model the behaviours I want him to learn. I promise him that I will work on my patience and he promises he’ll listen to mommy. And while I’m pretty sure he doesn’t understand the concept of a promise and that he will go through life not always listening to mommy, I appreciate him saying it.

This is a learning opportunity for both of us. We are both new at this and we are in this together.

 For more parenting stories, check out: Top 9 Things I Want My Son to Know 

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Posted in: Parenting Tagged: Motherhood, Parenting

I Took a Toy From My Son and I Felt Great

September 7, 2017 by theantsybutterflyadmin

I took a toy away from my son because he just wouldn’t listen.

I took a toy away from my son and while I felt empowered and knew it was the right thing to do, I still hurt inside.

Allow me to give you some background information. My son is three and he is embracing the age as if this is the greatest battle he will need to fight. My son is strong-willed, determined, stubborn, and persistent.

His presence is known.

Lately, it’s been nearly impossible to get him to listen. I know other parents can sympathize. I know we aren’t the only parents going through this, but it sure feels like we are. I am, like I imagine other parents are, convinced his ears are clogged with some powerful soundproof substance that is only removed when words that sound like “cookie”, “park”, or “ice cream” come to the surface. His selective listening skills are impeccable.

We are at our end, to say the least.

We’ve tried a bunch of different tactics to get his attention but have made no progress. I’ve read people’s blogs and I’ve vented and I’ve asked for advice from others.

*Enter new plan: count to five and take a toy away. Count to five and take his blanket away. Count to five and take away the next item in sight.

This tactic really does work! I’m telling you. He was beyond pissed at me for taking away his precious remote-control car. He cried and he protested while he kicked and screamed. He tugged on my shirt while he tried unsuccessfully and incoherently plead his case.

I held my ground. I did what the people told me to do. I thought, if they can do it then we can do it. I told him to follow through with my request – which was to sit down at the table to have dinner – and he’ll get his toy back.

I won’t lie and tell you that this isn’t partly my fault. I’ve been giving in too much lately and this is the result of it. While I’m so quick to blame myself, I do also recognize that he is only three and three is, well, three is difficult.

Like every mom I know, I’m trying my best. But sometimes my best goes to war with my patience and I have to pick my battles. I have to pick sides. Unfortunately, this has caused some slacking on my part. I give in because I just don’t want to hear it anymore. I’m tired of the whining and the crying and the screaming. I’m tired of saying “no” and “why won’t you listen” and “stop it”. I’ve been losing my patience as quick as a dart hits the board and it has caused me to give in more than I said I ever would.

I’ve finally allowed myself to listen to my husband’s protests. I’ve opened my ears to him and I’m listening to what he’s saying. And he’s right. This is the time to teach our son right and wrong, that consequences have actions, and that we are the parents and he is not.

So, we take his things away. We don’t snatch it like a child snatches a toy out of a another kid’s hand. We are not

At first it was hard. The screaming was unbearable. But after a day or two, it started getting easier and my confidence has started to return.

I can do this. I can parent. Sure, why not? I just have to stick to my motto: small-term versus longer-term consequences.  The small consequences of being in the moment of chaos and temper tantrums outweigh the long term consequences which consist of having a bratty child who can’t understand the word NO and can’t self-regulate. Of course it will be a battle, but isn’t that what parenting is all about? It’s our duty to raise our children to be a productive and sane members of society.

A long time ago, I promised myself that I would not have a kid who does not understand the meaning of NO. I need to keep my promise to myself. I need to be in line with my husband, my partner, my son’s dad. We need to be on the same page and I am finally meeting him on the discipline page. Have I been avoiding it all this time? Not entirely, but – and this is no excuse but still applicable – my anxiety gets the best of me. My son’s tantrums cause my anxiety to spike. So maybe, just maybe, I’ve been a bit laxer because I can’t handle the tantrums.

Luckily my husband and I have found a method that works for our family and we’ve been sticking to the plan. We’re laying down the law (oh my world, I am speaking like a parent). I don’t enjoy doing it, but I can’t deny that it makes me feel good when my son finally realizes that in order for him to get whatever was taken away, he must follow through with direction.

I love my kid enough to want him to be a good person and it all starts here. I love him enough to teach him how to self-regulate and that things will not always go his way. I love him enough to want him to independent and look at the world as opportunity.

I know that there are families out there with strong-willed children trying to get their rambunctious minis to listen. I know that, like them, we will get through this stage and come out on top. We are stronger than those little people we created. We know better, I hope.

We too can prevail!

 

For more parenting stories about the real struggles, take a look at: The Freezy Incident

 

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Posted in: Parenting Tagged: Parenting, partnership

My Breastfeeding Nightmare

August 28, 2017 by theantsybutterflyadmin

A few weeks ago, I was looking for a notebook for a reason I can’t remember. It was clearly important enough for me to find one because I looked in the guest room closet, a closet I rarely go into.

There, on the top shelf, was a notebook. I immediately recognized it as the one I got for myself after my son was born. I couldn’t remember exactly why I hid it, but I felt hostility towards it. I pulled it off the shelf and I opened it up.

Within seconds of opening the notebook, all the emotions I felt during that time 3 years ago came rushing in like a tsunami wave. The emotions crashed down on me harder than I expected. I remembered then why I had put this notebook away, hoping to never see it again.

On the first page – which is the only page I had written on – was a list.

The list contained a bunch of questions that I meant to ask my doula. Or was it my doctor? Or lactation consultant? Or pediatrician? Whoever the list was for, it was a list with no answers. I can’t remember if I ever even asked the questions to whoever I meant to ask them to.

The list contained 14 questions I wanted to ask about breastfeeding:
1. How long till it heals? (nipples)
2. How long till I notice healing?
3. What will it look like healing?
4. What will it look like if it gets worse?
5. Should I pump? Healing with pumping?
6. Is pump flange big/small enough (24mm)?
7. Diet? Sugar?
8. Latching correctly?
9. Vitamins I’m taking?
10. Alternative treatment?
11. Advantage/disadvantage of formula?
12. Burning feeling in nipples – white tip, sharp pain
13. Engorgement; nighttime
14. Swim in lake?

As a new mom trying to breastfeed, I was miserable and felt like I was stuck in an ongoing nightmare.

I went through what felt like the hardest time of my life trying to breastfeed. I was plagued with guilt, misery, pain, sadness, frustration, and anger. I felt all these emotions while going through postpartum depression and trying to keep myself and my child alive.

My breasts were so engorged and I was in constant pain from my overactive let-down and supply. I had all this milk but I wasn’t able feed my son. I wanted to hurt the people who would tell me I was lucky that I had such an overactive supply because I did not feel lucky. I felt cursed.

Every time I sat down on my milk-splattered couch to feed my son, I’d endure a flood of negative emotions. Every time I had to sit down to feed my child, I’d secretly wish I never had him.

“Breast is best” they say. But is it? Is it worth a mother’s sanity? Is it worth it to go through what I went through just so you can please those who believe that if you don’t breastfeed your child, you’re a failure? I myself was not breastfed and I think I turned out all right.

To be frank, my nipples were destroyed and I am not being dramatic. The skin on my both nipples was literary torn off. The “white tip” I speak of turned out to be two white nipples. Because my nipples were raw, I had to hand express because pumping would open the wound and I wasn’t able to physically put my son to my breast because of the pain.

Hand expressing only allowed me to get a certain amount of milk at a time so we supplemented with formula. Unfortunately, the formula wreaked havoc on my poor child’s stomach and we had to give him enemas.

I held a lot of guilt that was so heavy that I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

My husband is a “breast is best” supporter and while I don’t think he intentionally made me feel bad, he did. He really wanted his child to be breastfed and I felt like I was letting him down by not wanting to push through. Needless to say that was a low point in our marriage. I didn’t stand up for myself. I allowed his persistence to take over. I allowed him to bully me into breastfeeding.

Now before you get all angry with him, know that we worked things out and we came out stronger. Also know that I take responsibility for it as well because I didn’t stand up to him and I allowed him to make this decision for us.

My husband wasn’t the only one delivering me with a basket full of guilt. I also brought the guilt on myself. I felt bad that I didn’t want to feed my child naturally anymore. I felt bad that I didn’t want to keep trying. However, I kept at it because I thought I had to.

I finally took my friend’s advice and called her doula. The doula not only helped me successfully breastfeed my child, but she invited me to her mommy group where I found the support that I needed from other new moms. There, I met a woman who gave me the name of a pediatrician and lactation consultant duo who she believed could help me, and they did. I started healing both physically and mentally. Once my nipples healed, breastfeeding became a walk in the park.

I have scars on my nipples to this day that compliment my scar from my C-section.

These scars remind me how tough I really am. These scars remind me that I cannot be beaten. The scars also remind me that I do not want to go through this again.

Breastfeeding is a personal choice. I’m tired of hearing “Breast is Best” because to me, it puts guilt on mothers to do something they may not be able to, or even want to, do.

Mothers, please listen to your heart. Do what is best for you. Find a support group. Talk to someone. Tell your husband to fuck off. Ignore those pesky voices that tell you that you are failing if you don’t breastfeed because you aren’t.

You are amazing no matter what.

*Also published on Mamapedia 

For more real stories on the struggles of motherhood, visit:  read more

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Posted in: Parenting Tagged: breastfeeding, Motherhood, Parenting

I Work Part-Time But My Son is in Full-Time Daycare

August 5, 2017 by theantsybutterflyadmin

Daycare is closed this week and, because it’s summer and I’m not working, I’m home with my son. It’s just me and my mini-human. All day, every day. For five days straight.

Throughout the week, and during my temporary stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) duty, I’ve been thinking about what it takes to be a SAHM and the thoughts are just as exhausting to me as actually staying home. This week has been the confirmation I’ve looked for ever since I made the decision not to be a SAHM.

By mid-week I was ready to pack up my child and ship him off back to daycare. It’s not that I don’t love our time together, because I do. It’s just that I cannot entertain him like daycare can. I don’t have the patience that daycare has. And because my son is an only child and daycare is full of other kids, my son looks to me for play time and it’s exhausting.

You see, I work part-time during the year yet I keep my son in full-time daycare all year round. Even though it’s summer and I’m home, he still goes to daycare. You may wonder why I have chosen this route, and I’ll tell you why. It’s not just because I want to keep my daycare spot or that I may be able to find work over the summer and will need the full-time care, but it’s also because I want to. Being a SAHM isn’t for me.

Setting aside all the excuses and in all honesty, I just don’t want to be with my child 24/7. This experience is bringing me back to when I was on maternity leave and how I knew then that this is not the way I want to spend my days. In fact, some days I feel as if I am going through postpartum depression all over again! My son is three and it feels like it’s beyond impossible to deal with him day in and day out. The struggles are intense and my anxiety and depression are spiking. He is an amazing child, no doubt, but he’s a very strong-willed child and I’m having a hard time.

Being a SAHM requires a certain something, which I do not possess. It requires a lot of patience, in which I am lacking (have you read my other posts?). It also requires a mother wanting to stay home with her child, which I do not want to do.

I know many women who are SAHMs, WAHMs, and some who even work 3 or 4 days a day week so they can have more time with their children. I’d love to say that I want to be like them, but the truth is, I don’t. I am lacking whatever-it-is that makes many moms want to stay home with their kids. Is that such a bad thing? I don’t think so. I love my son with all my being, but being together that much is not a good thing for either of us.

I know there are people out there who don’t approve of my choice. They think I’m selfish or not a good mom. I’ve heard the gasps when they hear I’m home part-time yet my son is gone all day. I’ve seen the looks they try to hide from me.

So, let’s set the record straight: 1) I am selfish 2) I’m a great mom. In fact, being selfish and having my time is what makes me a better mom. Being with my kid from morning to his bedtime makes me slightly crazy, and I use the word “slightly” loosely.

Being a SAHM isn’t for everyone. Being a working mom isn’t for everyone either. Everyone has their boundaries and their ways. I know I’m not the only mama out there who feels this way.

For me, working part time and having my son in full time daycare allows me to look for full time work and to work on what I love doing: writing. It gives me more time to do housework and work on myself. It gives me some extra time and I like it.

I keep my son in full time because it’s what is best for me and my family. It’s what helps us keep our sanity and the peace.

*This piece can also be found at Perfection Pending and MomCave

 

For more parenting truths, come visit: When Daycare is Closed

 

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Posted in: Parenting Tagged: Motherhood, Parenting

50 Thoughts That Run Through My Mind in the Morning

July 26, 2017 by theantsybutterflyadmin

Last week, That’s Inappropriate posted 50 THOUGHTS THAT RUN THROUGH MY MIND FROM SUNRISE TO SUNSET.

I clicked on the article to open it and laughed the entire way through. This is motherhood! This is real! I’m not the only mama whose mind is on overdrive!

When I finished reading the post, I started thinking about what goes on in my own mind during the day, since my brain never seems to want to shut off.

However, instead of writing my thoughts during the day, I decided to jot down the 50 thoughts that come to me in the morning, since that’s when my day starts and when my mind starts to drive me crazy. The mornings are busy and, to be honest, my one child makes me feel like there are five children running around asking me (whining rather) for this and that.

So, without further delay, here are my 50 thoughts that run through my mind in the morning.

1. What time is it?
2. Is he awake yet?
3. I should turn on the monitor to see if he’s awake.
4. He’s awake, but he’s quiet so I’m going to rest my eyes for just a few more minutes.
5. I better put my hearing aids in so I can hear him.
6. Shit, I should have left my hearing aids out.
7. I hope he gives me an easy morning.
8. I hope he wants Muslix again. So simple.
9. Shit, he wants Cheerios. I know he’s going to change his mind any second.
10. Ugh, I knew he’d want a waffle.
11. Why do I even bother?
12. Just give him both, he’ll eat them both, you know that.
13. Ok, make your smoothie and get yourself ready.
14. Is he eating his breakfast?
15. I better check on him.
16. Ok, hurry back to finish getting ready.
17. What’s the weather like today?
18. It may rain, should I send him in rainboots?
19. Who cares what’s on his feet Karen, just get some clothes out for him!
20. What is my husband going on about?
21. I can’t deal with this conversation right now.
22. Is it night time yet?
23. I should make a list now so I can stop off at the store on my way home.
24. I have got to get this kid dressed.
25. Why does he have to yell at me?
26. Why does he hate me?
27. Why can’t he listen to me!
28. Why is everything a fight!
29. JUST GET YOUR CLOTHES ON!
30. Just bribe the kid and move on already.
31. I wish I was the one leaving right now instead of my husband.
32. Okay, just get the kid’s teeth brushed and we’re good.
33. Seriously, why does he have to yell at me all the time?!
34. I’m going to lose my shit in any second.
35. Deep breathes mama 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
36. He’s finally quiet in the car.
37. He does love me!
38. Shit, I forgot my list!
39. Did I pull out chicken for dinner?
40. Just get out of the car seat already!
41. Okay, this kid is getting an exorcism the minute I find someone to perform it.
42. That was the best hug ever.
43. He doesn’t need an exorcism.
44. Nope I was wrong.
45. Quickly, jot down what needs to be picked up today before you get home
46. Was that it?
47. Is it seriously only 7:50am right now?!
48. This is going to be a long day.
49. I wonder what the kid is doing now.
50. I miss him.

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen: the 50 thoughts that I in the morning. I’m an anxious mom who has a hard time shutting off my mind. I’m forever thinking, wondering, and worrying. My mind is forever spinning, unless I’m sleeping. That’s when it gives me a break, sometimes.

In case you missed the post I based this piece on, you can find it here: https://thatsinappropriate.com/50-thoughts-sunrise-sunset/

 

For more parenting truths, check out: How I Won the Fight: the Battle over the Green Dinosaur Sippy Cup

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Posted in: Parenting Tagged: fifty thoughts, Motherhood, Parenting
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