Dear Partner, We Can Both Do Better


Dear Wife, do better.

I’m so tired of picking up banana peels off the wooden cutting board on the kitchen counter. I just can’t understand how hard it is for you to toss the peel in the compost after you unwrap your banana. And while we’re talking about compost, must your tissues remain on the dresser and table? Can you not toss them when done?
Dear wife, do better.
You keep telling me we have things to do, but there’s no time to do it all. I feel overwhelmed with the constant “we need to…”, knowing full well that “we” is a term you use for “you”. You harp on me that some things need extra attention, but then you make plans for the family to be out all day and things, once again, get neglected.
Dear wife, do better.
I know you hate hearing it, but please, can you try to relax a bit? I know you’re anxious and easily overwhelmed. I know sometimes it’s hard for you to gather your thoughts and feelings and the little man triggers you. Trust me, I hear you. But when you spike, you SPIKE, and I’m left holding down the fort and it’s not easy. I feel like I have to keep my cool as I’m the last man standing in our small family.
Dear wife, do better.
Just because I’m doing something, it doesn’t mean you have to. You can take a nap or rest. I don’t care. You don’t need to jump up and huff and puff while rage-clean just because I’m fixing something or gardening. I’m not making you do shit when I’m gardening. Take it down a notch, please?

Dear Husband, do better.
I hear you on that last point, but if I’m going to make a change, then you best be right behind me. You too feel guilty when I’m working on getting the chores done and you’re sitting around reading on your phone. But instead of being passive-aggressive, I promise I’ll try to use my words with you more.
Dear husband, do better.
Why do I need to remember everything for you? There’s a calendar on the cork board in the kitchen for all to see. It’s pretty big and it has stickers and all kinds of flashy colours. Can you please take a moment to either write down an important date or take a look at the calendar for important dates already written. I’m tired of reminding you about everything.
Dear husband, do better.
I hear you on the tissues and the banana peels, I do. So while I’m tossing my garbage, can you please bring up your dishes? Unless your hording a small family in the dark cool basement, there is no reason for there to be a full kitchen set of cups and bowls down there.
Dear husband, do better.
Can you please help around in the house a bit more? I know you do most of the cooking and I’m okay with the clean up, but I cook too, and sometimes I’m left carrying the whole mealtime package. I need help. I don’t want to nag you and ask you over and over. I just want you to just do it sometimes. I just want you to know.

There it is.

Marriage life is work. It’s exhausting and fulfilling. It’s frustrating and satisfying. It’s laughs and tears and scrunchy eyebrows all in one day.
It’s both as hard as nails hard and as easy as pie.
We aren’t master communicators, so don’t kid yourself. We work hard on this relationship and some days are harder than others. We go through times when we speak to each other like newlyweds, and others, where we speak to each other like mortal enemies. We’re just two different people living one life and personalities get in the way.
When you find that person who makes you feel whole, you feel like you’ve won the lottery. But it’s best to accept that marriage isn’t all daisies and rainbows. Eventually you get used to each other and the over-the-top disagreements happen over mundane things.
Yes, there are tons of things that my husband and I want the other to do better. But there is one thing we both know that we already do enough of. And that’s love each other to the fullest.
So I’ll try to toss my banana peels if he promises to dump his clothes in the bin and not the floor.
For more on Marriage, visit Dear Husband, Thank You for Being There