“I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter”
I remember when I first heard the song “In the End” by Linkin Park. My sister was watching the video on the television when I came downstairs. I immediately fell in love with Chester Bennington’s voice. I immediately feel in love with the way Chester Bennington looked. I was fascinated with him. I loved how he sang the lyrics to the song and wanted to hear more. I had always hoped to see him, and the band of course, perform live.
Unfortunately, this hope will never come true because yesterday, Chester lost his battle.
According to reports plastered all over the internet and my newsfeed on Facebook, Chester Bennington had dealt with addiction and suicide ideation for quite some time. This is not foreign to me. In fact, this is something I know quite a bit about. While I’m not yet ready to write about my own experiences just yet, I am now (and have been for a while) eager to bring an end to the stigma that surrounds suicide and the ailments attached to it.
Linkin Park was my “angry music”. My husband would laugh at me because his angry music was more along the lines of death metal. I didn’t care. I love the music Linkin Park produces. The music, the lyrics, the voices that sing them. All of it. It was cathartic for me.
I’ve never written about a celebrity’s suicide, but since this comes so soon after Chris Cornell’s suicide, I felt obligated to put my two-cents in.
Suicide. The word scares me more than I can describe. It’s because I’ve been there. It’s because I have my own demons and battles to deal with. It’s because I know how precious and fragile life is.
Those who lose their internal battle are not selfish. Let’s make that clear right now. It is not a selfish act. You have no idea what someone is going through. You have no idea how hard it is. You haven’t stepped a foot in their shoes so please, before you start trolling and making comments, think about what you’re saying and try to understand what that person is going through. You have no idea how hard someone has fought to keep themselves here for themselves or their family.
Losing the battle doesn’t make one weak. Attempting to end your life doesn’t either.
To those suffering, you are not alone. We are all out there fighting our own battle. And while we may all feel like we’re the only one, we aren’t. Please remember that.
If you’re having thoughts of ending your life, please find someone to talk to.
It’s time we stand together and end the stigma.
For the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, please contact 1-800-273-8255 or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/. It is a 24-hour, toll-free, confidential suicide prevention hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Available to Americans and Canadians.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE